This article is part of our Rebound & Rant series.
Beloved fans of the Rebound & Rant, both of you, it's time for our annual Ha Ha edition. Regular readers will note that I usually try to accentuate my mediocre advice by inserting humorous elements into the column. A funny video here, a weird tweet there, etc. Hopefully by injecting some light humor, you can ignore bad suggestions such as "David Lee is a can't-miss sleeper pick!" Well, the Ha Ha edition focuses on comedy first and mediocre advice second – let the hilarity ensue!
Free Gorgui Dieng!
Listeners of the RotoWire Fantasy Basketball podcast are familiar with my awkward man-crush rantings about Gorgui Dieng. I'm like a modern Harry Caray extolling the boyish good looks and strapping shoulders of Mark Grace. Dieng is a block, rebound and field-goal shooting machine currently being suppressed so the T-Wolves can pretend its 1997 and wheel out 39-year-old (139?) Kevin Garnett. This is a crime against humanity! Actually, the Minny-Pups are finally giving Dieng some run as, he's averaging 27.0 minutes, 11.0 points, 8.2 boards, 1.8 blocks over the past five games while shooting 62 percent from the field. I refuse to believe that Dieng and Karl-Anthony Towns can't play well together. KAT has an ideal inside-out game that should work well with Dieng's interior dirty work.
Wait, did you just say you are too young to have witnessed the greatness of Harry Caray live? And you never heard him blather shamelessly about the stern jaw line and firm thighs of a young Mark Grace? Well, it took me almost 20 minutes on YouTube to find a good example, but I found one, dear reader. Watch the video below and fast forward to the 1:07 mark. Steve Stone should be canonized.
Heck, while we're discussing the Timberwolves, let's hear them read mean tweets about themselves, which unfortunately do not include Mr. Dieng.
Ah-ha! I was right about Clint Capela
OK, I'm just shamelessly pointing out that I was correct two weeks ago when I predicted that Capela was someone we should keep an eye on. Capela has started the last three games for Rockets and performed well (grab him if you can handle the poor FT%). Unfortunately, the Rockets' defense is TERRIBLE, even with Capela in the lineup. And the blame for the atrocious defense must start with highly paid matador James Harden. Harden is a revolving door. Honestly, I'm overwhelmed by video options of Harden playing zero defense. I could do better and I'm a 6-foot-1, 46-year-old with woefully slow feet. I think this montage demonstrates Harden's complete misunderstanding that defense wins championships:
OK, I can't resist, here is one more. Honestly, have you EVER seen Thabo Sefolosha beat ANYONE off the dribble!?!
Chuckster, what do you think of Harden's defense?
D.J. Needs a Nickname
RotoWire colleague D.J. Trainor, he of the expert analysis and baby face, needs a nickname. I actually tried to push "Baby Face," but he didn't like it. Take a look at some of his NBA TV work and please use the comment section below to recommend a new nickname. Best nickname gets a free month of RotoWire.com.
Will Barton
Have you picked up Barton yet? What are you waiting for? He will be a fourth round or better pick next year. I know, I know, you never heard of him. Or you have heard of him and keep wondering why he never got minutes in Portland. Who cares? He's first off the bench in Denver and making Randy Foye look like, well, Randy Foye. It would be "foye-ish" of you wait on Barton. Barton is getting starter's minutes, 29 per game, and is a multi-category producer.
Unfortunately, Barton does not look good in the new Nuggets' "white-gold" alternate, sleeved unis. To borrow more Caray, Barton lacks the chiseled good looks and luscious man-frame of a certain Danilo Gallinari or Kenneth Faried. Barton looks like he borrowed his dad's uniform. In fact, he's kind of like a pez dispenser.
At the half, Will Barton has 11 points on 5/8 shooting. Spurs 46 - #Nuggets 42. pic.twitter.com/0Qv7IpYMlQ
— Denver Nuggets (@nuggets) November 28, 2015We're not done yet! For every Friday home game in 2016 the #Padres will wear a brown and yellow jersey! https://t.co/20HfWBhITn
— San Diego Padres (@Padres) December 2, 2015Goodbye Kobe, Don't Let the Door Hit You On The Way Out
Am I the only person happy to see Kobe retire? He should have hung 'em up two years ago. How does Bryant shooting 18 ugly shots a game at a 30-percent clip (that's not a typo – his field goal percentage through 14 games is 30.1 percent) help D'Angelo Russell and Julius Randle develop? Can't we all agree that Bryant is a raging ego-maniac that should be moving on to self-centered bad business in the real world?
Join me, won't you, by reviewing his 7-for-26 atrocity during Tuesday Night's ugly Laker loss to Kobe's hometown 76ers. Yes, that's right, he shot 7-for-26!!! That includes 17 ugly three-point chucks. Don't let the early hot streak fool you:
I don't know whether to laugh or cry at all those Bryant misses. Kobe is the fat kid at school who hoards all the Halloween candy.
But let's not end with my griping. Instead, how about re-watching the Craig Saiger - Greg Popovich in-game interview from Thursday night. Pop might think it's "inane", but this is the best interview we'll see all year. Seriously, this almost made me cry:
Well, that's it for this year's Ha Ha edition. Adios amigos and check out our Fantasy Hoops podcast here.
